Wednesday, 4 March 2009

I Hit This Shit In February, While You Were Out Having A Life

In defense of my blog that only a few poor souls read, I would like to say that during last week my boyfriend was looking to see whether a film he wanted to see was any good. As we were flipping through reviews on the internet, I was reading them aloud and he snapped "just skip to the last paragraph" because that's where the crux is. People don't really want the plot synopsis or any of that crap. So. Here, then:

Zack & Miri Make a Porno
I thought it was a lot better than Jersey Girl and Clerks 2, which had tone problems and were generally a bit wank. Quite sweet, really.

Y'know, it’s Ron Howard. What are you expecting? Are you expecting a competently-directed film that occasionally lapses into dull moments, with a cavalier attitude to riding the line between actual events and more dramatic, entirely fictional moments? Well, that’s what you’ll get. Have at it.

Slumdog Millionaire
It’s crap. I’m not hating on it for racial reasons (piss off) but purely performance reasons on all fronts (except acting, which is ok). A while ago Danny Boyle directed a movie called Millions, which was critically and financially shat on from a great height. Slumdog is basically a remake of Millions with a bit of City of God thrown in. And the direction itself is chock-full of genuinely poor decisions, whether it be the Battlefield Earth-level of Dutch angles on show or by the criminal comparison of first and second unit shooting. Its massive scoop of awards is just shameful.

Good Dick
Jason Ritter is gently slipping into indie movie territory after the cancellation of Joan of Arcadia (terribly saccharine TV show of yore with Amber ‘inappropriately young girlfriend of David Cross’ Tamblyn). Good Dick is all over the place, but it stayed with me afterward inexplicably.

Oh Liev. So hot. Edward Zwick does better here than with Blood Diamond. He’s still doing that thing he does. Taking a true story and mashing an action movie in there. Whatever makes you happy, Zwick.

Not a bad first effort from Clark Gregg (he of ‘I know him. Where do I know him from?’ TV bit-part fame) and Sam Rockwell looks like a great kisser, but overall it’s not outstanding and Kelly Macdonald is badly miscast.

Rachel Getting Married
I was really impressed with it. The horrible characters really reflected the grief process well. Great acting throughout. Bit overlong, but fuck it. The scene where Hathaway goes to see Winger before the wedding is AMAZING.

Just, no. Bad.

The Escapist
Rupert Wyatt (directed Ticks. No, seriously) does good here. Decent little prison escape piece with a tight running time and Steven Mackintosh playing a mental. Because he either plays a mental, or a straight character you keep expecting to go mental, but never does. Typecasting: gotta love it. Elsewhere, Damien Lewis perfects his mince. Sweet.

What Just Happened
Oh God. I mean, do we need another crappy Robert de Niro movie? We really don’t. When will it end?

The Day the Earth Stood Still
Keanu Reeves playing an emotionless alien. Method acting at its finest. Ropey CGI and an overall feeling of lameness. Also, Jennifer Connelly needs to eat at least....*counts on fingers*....5000 Subway meatball subs. Where is old-school big-titted lovely Jennifer? She collapsed in on herself like a manic-depressive white dwarf.

Zombie Nazis. Cool. Tyres doesn’t die too early on, if you were wondering.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
They really do. Me too. I liked it. They reveal the killer pretty early on, and while it seems obvious who it is anyway, you can’t help but suspect there’s a twist ending coming. There is, and it sags a bit there. But Jonathan Levine is a director to look out for and you’ll be seeing A LOT of Amber Heard in the coming years. Possibly too much.

Seven Pounds
I cried all the way through shamelessly although it is, of course, fucking awful. Also, I was upset by the casting choice of Barry ‘The White Rat’ Pepper. If you’re going to cast Barry Pepper, give him something to do. Suggested viewing includes The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, 25th Hour and The Green Mile for proper awesome Pepper usage.

1 comment:

jamie said...

new post please!

not about The Cage.

thanks! :p