Thursday, 29 January 2009

Films What I Done Watched In January

Journey To The Centre Of The Earth (Non-3D Edition)

Probably would have been better in 3D. I didn't mind it, which is to say it didn't make me want to kill myself like The Mummy 3 did.

Rocket Science

Pretty decent little indie movie. At first the deliberate indieness of it made me balk, but once I relented it was alright. West from Heroes makes good.

Pineapple Express

What a weird one. Much like Tropic Thunder and Hot Fuzz it tries to badly mix action and comedy on a larger budget. Some good moments, some good lines, but overall meh.

Mamma Mia

So very, very bad that it's almost good. Tom Hanks is now a bazillionaire thanks to Exec-ing this. Which is good, cause he hasn't made a good movie as an actor since The Terminal.

Resident Evil: Degeneration

Not bad for a 90 minute FMV.


I watched it in the daytime. Was that my first mistake? I was disappointed. The chick was just so irritating (if hot) and I would rather listen to Hud (Cloverfield)'s bullshit or even Heather (Blair Witch Project)'s screaming than sit through her again. I wasn't creeped out and I didn't jump. On those terms, The Orphanage must be pretty well-orchestrated in comparison.

Saw 5

I liked Saw 2, 3 and 4 was alright. This marks a really significant drop in quality for the franchise though. Maybe Costas Mandylor is cursed. I know Scott Patterson is, since none of his attempts at a career beyond Gilmore Girls seem to have paid off yet. On a side note, Gilmore Girls was the Picket Fences of the 00s. Coincidence?

Starship Troopers 3

Marking Casper Van Dien's 'triumphant' return to the franchise. They go for a more religious subtext on this one, as opposed to a political one.

American Teen

Yeah. I mean, there's a certain amount of suspect 'arranging' here, in terms of editing and circumstance. But overall it was a quite charming doc.

Tell No One

Great. Really, really good French thriller about a guy whose wife is murdered, then years later starts sending him emails. There's an awesome chase sequence bang in the middle that is so deftly put together I actually held my breath. How often can you say that? The experience of watching it reminded me of watching Nine Queens. You know that after that first time it's never going to be the same, you'll know all the twists, so the first viewing seems vital.

Speed Racer

It was really colourful and bright and shiny and fast, so I enjoyed watching it. With a better script, it could have been great.

Let The Right One In

Pretty good. I was expecting too much, probably. Liked the "what happens if you don't get invited in" scene. I had not seen that idea in a movie before. I'd probably watch it again on an evening.

Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants 2

It's as well put together as the first one, and I blubbed stupid girl tears, although the Amber Tamblyn storyline was the winner; the other three pretty much fell flat.

Shotgun Stories

Wow. Michael Shannon. Oscar Nom'd for the wrong movie? He's so good a little bit of pee comes out when I watch him.

Very basic plot: Son, Kid and Boy are three brothers whose abusive Dad left them and their mum, stopped drinking, found God and had a brand new family. When the Dad dies the brothers slowly let all their past resentment come to a head, with tragic results for them and their Dad's "real" family. The huge helpings of comedy really move it along, with a rat-faced loser character named Shampoo Douglas propelling the tension at very well-choreographed moments.

Also, I think I want to name a future pet Shampoo Douglas.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

1) Ok, so I heard there was a 3D movie coming out with Kerr Smith and Jenson Ackles and I thought "that is going to be AWESOMELY shit." And it was. The dialogue, acting and plot were terrible (in my mind everything Kerr Smith says is unintentionally hilarious). But really I was going for decapitated body parts and murder weapons and blood coming out of the screen at my face, so I wasn't disappointed. One problem was that 3D isn't as impressive when you're filming a badly-lit scene, unfortunately, so having action take place primarily down a mine is going to cause some issues.

2) The absolute worst circumstance to view My Bloody Valentine 3D in is sitting in front of the two people we were sitting in front of at the cinema. A squirrely white guy wearing a light grey hooded sweatshirt/matching light grey sweatpants pulled up to half-calf/white tube socks/white hightop trainers/massive gold chain combination....and his 18 year old girlfriend, who committed the following acts throughout:

  • Screaming very loudly at 'scary' moments during the trailer for The Univited, before the main movie. After being shushed, yelling "OH I'M SORRY I DONT LIKE SCARY MOVIES, I'M NOT A DICKHEAD, OK?????" sarcastically. You're just about to watch a scary movie that will last a lot longer than this trailer.
  • Screaming very loudly during every 'jump' moment, i.e. any loud noise at all. I had no idea people actually screamed like this, in genuine shock, at such run-of-the-mill movies like My Bloody Valentine 3D. Is this the first and last horror movie she will ever watch? Part of me really hopes so.
  • Being completely unaware of all horror movie conventions by shouting things like "WELL, THAT'S UNREALISTIC!" and getting very upset when a "good character" is about to die, moaning "OH NO! NOT HIM! NOOOOOOO!" and shouting "OH NO! NOT HER! NOT THE LOVELY LITTLE PERSON!" when a dwarf is about to kick it.

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