While You Were Out Nailing Hot Chicks In March, I Watched These Instead

The Changeling
Just a great piece of work and easily Clint’s best to date. Shamefully ignored in awards season, save a few nods for Jolie. Really good stuff. Also found myself getting really wound up by it about half-way through. The brain, it resists implausible plot points, even true-to-life ones. Try and check it out though, it’s proper heartgutting.


Blindness
Y’know, it’s a bit crap. I get what they were going for, but it’s not far off being a complete and utter turkey. All the dancing, bleached-out camerawork just distances you from the characters, and as the genre bends towards science-fiction and asks you to care about all the rapins, betrayins and murderins...that just won’t do, baby.


Watchmen
“He’s so faithful to the comic” and whatever. Yeah, too faithful. You might as well read the bloody comic. It doesn’t connect in the way that Sin City does. You’ve got to know the difference between being faithful to a 2D material and rounding-out the characters and story into an actual film and Snyder just doesn’t seem to know how.


Australia
It’s not nearly as bad as I’d heard. I wouldn’t watch it again, but it was alright. I don’t know what people were expecting, but personally I was expecting exactly this, so was neither thrilled nor disappointed.


The Duchess
Hmm, yeah. Ok. Decent enough, for what it is. The sex scenes between Ralph “s’RAYF, actually” Fiennes and Keira “cum” Knightley were like watching a pale toad apathetically prod at a spatula. In that way, this movie was a complete success.


The Unborn
Pretty darn bad. And not even good-bad. Just averagely nothing. Also has a tacked-on ending you can see coming a mile off.


Knowing
KNOWING. Heh. I was excited and filled with dread about the whole thing. ‘Cause I hate The Crow, love Dark City and found I, Robot alright.

I kind of love Alex Proyas. He’s dear to me. So when I heard the plot I could kind of see what was going to happen. You were going to get a mental, old-school sci-fi story and jam Nicholas Cage’s hair plugs right in the middle of it.

That’s exactly what you get here. Fleeting, great moments ruined by epic retardedness. You can’t build up a terrifying moment and then throw a cartoony CGI moose on fire at the screen. It creates guffaws where there shouldn’t be any. Say what you want about the hilariously fucking inept 70s prog-rock vinyl front cover ending, but at least Proyas followed through on the basic idea.

Cage? Jesus, he under-acts here to the point of boredom. I dunno whether he had Botox or what. Christ. I’ve seen a lot of bad Cage acting but this was the worst he’s ever been. Laughably bad. And because Proyas seems to care so much about the (admittedly awful) material I found myself a bit angry at Cage for being so goddamn terrible, which is a trait of his I usually enjoy.


Role Models
A few amusing moments, but not nearly as good as Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which was about average. So, pretty bad.