Saturday, 16 August 2008

Some Movies What I Done Watched, Yeah?

Or ‘No One Gives A Fuck About Hud’ as a great man once suggested. I didn’t mind it. It wasn’t great. Pretty much what I expected.

Original Asian version, filled with the usual visual tricks and metaphors akin to these kinds of movies: long dark hair, water, pissed-off dead girl ghosts. Strangely effective, though. A lot of them aren’t.

Ok I liked the first Aliens Vs Predator, but I generally enjoy Paul Anderson movies. This second one is bad, though. A lot worse. Seriously.

Rachel Nichols is hot. I mean, damn. This is bad, but worth it to see her running around panting and jiggling.

One Missed Call
Oh, God. Don’t.

Charlie Wilson’s War
Entertaining, if slight, fare from Aaron Sorkin. He’s trying to get back on our good side after the shocking Studio 60 situation. Shocking Studio 60 situation. Try saying that 5 times fast.

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
Bad. I liked the first one. This ain’t even that.

Before The Devil Knows Your Dead
It’s ironic, because Philip Seymour Hoffman used to the be the guy that had a few lines in a quirky indie flick and steal it completely. Now here’s Michael Shannon screwing him over in exactly the same fashion.
“I’m gonna call you….Grouchy.”

Iron Man
It’s a Jon Favreau movie, with Robert Downey Jr in it. I found it pretty hard to hate.

The Signal
Visual showcase for directors David Bruckner and Dan Bush, who I’m sure we’ll be seeing around in the future. The film itself is often impressive and awful in equal measure.

Stay Alive
Frankie Muniz-starring horror movie about a video game that kills. I know it sounds like it could be fun, but it really isn’t. I love that the IMDB trivia page says “Ben Foster was going to play the role of Hutch O'Neill, but gave the role to his brother Jon Foster instead because he thought it was better suited for him.” BULL. SHIT. That’s like hearing “Dennis Quaid was originally going to play Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation but gave the role to his brother Randy instead because he thought it was better suited for him.”

Wristcutters: A Love Story
Eh, it’s no good. I like Tom Waits as much as the next girl, but apparently Shannyn Sossamon is just a fuckin curse, now.

Y’know, I watched this movie on the same day I watched 4 other really bad movies, so it seemed alright in comparison. Terrence Howard is just the weirdest guy - interviews with him frighten me to the very core of my being.

Gone Baby Gone
There are two movies here. One’s good, the other’s Along Came A Spider. So, there’s that. But good acting throughout.

3:10 To Yuma
Ugh. Ben Foster was the only good thing going on here. Not that I wish he’d picked Stay Alive instead, of course. Heh.

Lars & The Real Girl
Really quite sweet and affecting.

Not funny.

Super High Me
This stand-up comedian tries out the Morgan Spurlock documentary style, with a lot fewer rules. He basically decides to not get stoned for three months. Surprisingly (or not), although he’s ‘less psychic’ and ‘less smart’ straight, his comedy act gets a thousand times funnier.

Indiana Jones & The Mystery of The Turd in The Circle
What can I say that hasn’t already been said. It should be better than The Mummy, than National Treasure; those movies that ape the Indy vibe. What disturbs more is that it isn’t even better than the sequels to The Mummy and National Treasure. And no, I don’t blame L’eau d’Beef Soup, I blame Lucas of course.

Death Sentence
I only got around to watching this as soon as I did cause Phil is a ‘James Wan completist’. Whatever, it’s not as good as Dead Silence, but probably on the same level as the original Saw in terms of stupidity. Also: James Wan is hot.

Shutter (Remake)
Joshua Jackson - RIP. See you on Fringe, doing that thing you do. The film? It’s what they always do, isn’t it? Just rip out the guts of the scares and such.

Vantage Point
Are action movies supposed to be as dull as shit? Oh. Well, this was GREAT then. Really….ACTION-Y.

Be Kind, Rewind
Yeah, the problem here is that Michel Gondry can write and direct short things no problem, but in terms of anything past 5 minutes he just doesn’t have a clue on how to glue his ideas together with any real heart behind them. Everything’s too slap-dash and earnestly whimsical. I think he can be a great director, but he needs to stop doing scripts.

Apparently, Doug Liman is done with scripts and stories all together. I didn’t mind what he did with it, to be honest. I think my mind did, though. It kept thinking stuff like “who’s he?” and “what did he say?” and “that doesn‘t seem credible.”

Great. I loved it. Really old-school.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Occasionally amusing. I found the rumour that Jason Segal did this whole movie just so he could get the go-ahead to write a new Muppets movie strangely believable, as silly rumours go.

Wargames 2: The Dead Code
Dude. I can’t…just. It’s just going along, being a crap hacker movie. And it’s filmed a little bit like Spy Game. Like a bad Tony Scott movie. And then, kind of half way through, they decide to bring in the WOPR. I actually found myself getting physically upset. The last minute is the killing blow.

The Darjeeling Ltd
Not as bad as Life Aquatic, but. I think the well is dry. He’s no better than Shyalaman to me, right now.

Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay
Yeah. The first one was better, I guess.

There Will Be Blood
Having seen all the ‘Best Movie’ Oscar nominations now, I feel like this was robbed. And I don’t think I will get tired of shouting ‘You’re a BASTARD from a BASKET!!’ as a comeback any time soon.

Decent enough. And short.

The Ruins
It’s The Hole-y. But slightly less crap.

Really, truly, awful. Even seeing Milo Ventimiglia’s ass didn’t make it worth it.

The Happening
They keep saying “happening” throughout. It’s annoying. Also it’s a bad movie. I think I hate Mark Whalberg. I don’t know how he keeps getting work.

Surprisingly long and utterly predictable, but mildly entertaining. You could easily watch it on a Sunday afternoon and instantly forget it.

The Lost Boys 2: The Tribe
I think I read a review that said “if Corey Feldman is the best thing about your movie, you’ve got problems.” That just about sums it up. It copies the first movie’s plot almost entirely, with some scenes almost copied shot-for-shot. Corey Haim appears, briefly. It’s still not nearly as bad as Wargames 2.

The Savages
Ok-ish. Oh, Laura! Je t’aime!

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