Friday, 20 June 2008

Movies I've Seen (Recently) - Archive

Not badly made, just not that funny. I enjoy Michael Cera, though.

Resident Evil 3
It continues. Mercifully short.

The Heartbreak Kid
Properly slated when it came out, unlike Superbad, but suffering from the same condition. Someone, somewhere, believes wholeheartedly that all the ingredients are in place to make Hilarity Soufflé. But I guess the right ingredients don’t necessarily make for a good end result.

The Nanny Diaries
Scarlet Johanssen is a super-intelligent chick who decides to become a New York nanny in her gap year (or whatever). That’s pretty much it.

Rescue Dawn
It’s weird to watch Rescue Dawn (which is actually a decent movie, despite the tacked-on ending) without feeling a little dark pain somewhere deep inside. That’s what I expect and love from Herzog, usually. Approached in the right way, however, it hits the right notes. I miss the dark pain, though.

Rush Hour 3
I found it really hard to get through Rush Hour 3. It’s really awful.

After the first 20 minutes shake by like Bambi on ice, you forget this is A British Movie. Well played, sir.

It’s kind of ok. You wonder whether Adrienne Shelly would have gone on to make better stuff, had she not been murdered.

The Invasion
You ever see The Forgotten? Yeah. But not as good. Mm. Which is saying something.

This Is England
I didn’t think it was as good as Dead Man’s Shoes (which is a fuckin masterpiece, by all measures) nor as delicately crafted as Room For Romeo Brass. It’s weird that this movie a) got the most attention with respect to awards, and b) was so ultimately unsatisfying, in terms of it being such a personal thing for Shane Meadows to get out there.

I Am Legend
It probably wouldn’t be so crap, had they actually invested some money in the look of creatures. Was I the only one who was thinking ’I guess this is ok’ until they popped out looking like the I Robot CGI bots from 5 years ago, but with a different skin tone?

The Flock
I just don’t know where this movie came from. Sometimes I am baffled by Richard Gere’s career. It’s shot in the worst over-saturated film stock you can imagine, then it tries to be proud about that. Don’t be proud, you made a movie that’s worse than 8MM and The Bone Collector combined. Don’t be proud.

In The Land Of Women
Adam Brody is a whiny guy in his mid-twenties who has lost his way when some hot chick dumps him, so he moves in with his gran back in suburbia. There’s not a lot here. Meg Ryan’s face is not getting any easier to look at.

Shoot Em Up
I don’t know whether you have seen Shoot Em Up, but it gets pretty far in before you start saying "Wait, is this a joke?" Like Chubby Rain, the film-within-a-film from Bowfinger, or Nathan Barley’s fantasy flick, it is filled with the worst dialogue ever written, ludicrous action set pieces and confusingly miscast actors. And you know what? ….I think it might be good.

The Lives Of Others
I thought it was going to be better than it was, but it was decent enough.

Sydney White
It’s a modern re-telling of Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs in the Greek college system. With Amanda Bynes.

Saw 4
Yay, it’s back. The inexplicable movie franchise keeps shitting them out, with Costas Mandylor from Picket Fences and Donnie Whalberg reprising his role from instalment 2. Wonder whether shooting this was the turning point in his decision to get on board with the New Kids On The Block reunion.

Good Luck Chuck
Dane Cook. Why.

December Boys
Really quite good. Nicely shot and involving from beginning to end.

Not sure.

Quite good.

The Ten
And we’re back with Paul Rudd and his wildly vacillating film career.

Decent Omen-esque thriller with Sam Rockwell going a bit bonkers after his son evolves into some kind of robot-like evil offspring, who just wants to hang out with his gay uncle (I guess).

The Hunting Party
Richard Gere and Terrence Howard are an ex-tv reporter and his cameraman going back to Serbia in search of the wanted war criminal who massacred a town back in the day (housing Gere’s preggo squeeze). He’s out for a little revenge and possibly a story, with the network’s vice-president son along for the ride. Pretty entertaining, actually. For some reason.

The Nines
Ryan Reynolds is God. No, it’s serious. Ly bad.

He Was A Quiet Man
Little more than a director’s showcase with an unsuitable Christian Slater trying to get on the method make-up bandwagon.

Away From Her
Good. Young female director makes quality movie. Hardly ever happens. I hope this is the start of something new.

Eagle Vs Shark
I’m not a huge fan of Flight of The Concords, but this won me over with some pretty great dialogue and characters.

Oh, Jason Reitman. Can’t find your own style, can you? Rather rip off a few other directors, masque it with a semi-hip indie soundtrack and hope no one notices? Ok.Good script, decent acting, but do we really need another hack out there? At least Tony Scott went with something for Christ’s sake.

30 Days Of Night
Great looking. Love Danny Huston and Ben Foster. Overall, a bit pish.Wedding DazeA mess.

Eastern Promises
Liked it a lot. Cronenberg is officially ’back’.

No Country For Old Men
Look, it’s just not their best movie. It’s all there, it’s just….I guess cause it’s based on source material or something….I don’t know. I wasn’t a fan. Seems like they were just treading old ground. There’s nothing of their own creation in the near future, either. Have we seen the last of the Great Coen Brothers Movies?

Red Road
Not a particularly original story, but I liked it. There’s a real sense of dread and menace to it, too. Awesome atmosphere. Hard to accomplish.

Lions For Lambs
Talky talky lefty lefty talky lefty. Alright.

HitmanI don’t really know what to say. It’s not good.

I’d heard good things, but I didn’t think it was up to much and tonally it was a clusterfuck.

Run Fatboy Run
Just, nothing. Not good. Not bad. Average.

Michael Clayton
Yes, quite good.

Sleuth (Remake)
Terrible and almost unwatchable.

Yeah, you know, pretty decent. And it’s not that I think it was the Best Film or anything, but I’m struggling to think of some criminally overlooked piece right now I’d throw into the running.

The Mist
I just can’t take Thomas Jane seriously. And Frank Darabont’s whole ’I love hand-held now! I’m going to kind of cram some hand-held shots in there to mix it up!’ thing jarred with me.

Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
I thought it was alright in the grand scheme of things, on a sliding scale of crap kids movies that get shoved out there on a production line of poisoned lollipops.

Southland Tales
I read a review of this recently that referred to it as "like Mulholland Drive’s retarded kid brother" which is not far off, but look out kids cause this has cult classic awesome sauce written all over it and this baby’s gonna go on and on, cause it’s a pimp. And pimps don’t commit suicide. Richard Kelly clearly didn’t give a fuck what the outcome was while he was making it, and I kind of admire that.

The Eye (Remake)
Well, the original wasn’t up to much. So imagine that, but with Jessica Alba and a feel-good ending inserted where the original’s downbeat one used to be (probably the only decent thing about the original was the downbeat ending, so).

The Orphanage
Look, it might be well shot, in that The Others slash Pan’s Labyrinth slash Mexican DOP de jour slash labradoodle kind of way, but I’m sorry, there is NOTHING new here. If you’ve already seen Don’t Look Now, The Grudge and Devil’s Backbone you’re gonna be pretty fuckin under whelmed. That being said, there’s at least one good jump in it, and a cinema-based viewing is likely to sustain the atmosphere of the story better than DVD.

The Holiday
Tiresome nonsense.

Flushed Away
Eventually entertaining. Takes a while to become amusing though. And children are not known for their patience.

The Killing Floor
Marc Blucas. Low-budget horror movie. Bad.

Totally great, apart from one fatal flaw: Jake Gyllenhaal miscast again.

Yes, I have seen Rear Window. And all the other movies that are Rear Window. And Disturbia is like the Pepsi Max of Rear Window knock-offs.

Die Hard 4.0
All even-numbered Die Hard movies suck. Possibly because Renny Harlin and Len Wiseman were the directors of choice. And the script is just basically some other movie they had hanging around in development hell that someone just stuck a "Die Hard 4????" post-it on.

Perfect Stranger
Don't watch Perfect Stranger. That is all.

Vaguely entertaining but forgettable ham-fest.

VacancyAll I needed to hear was "Luke Wilson" and "horror movie" in the same sentence to know this was a mistake of epic proportions.

Inland Empire
Impenetrable Lynch fare in the vein of a bunch of ideas come unglued and stuck back together. With Laura Dern (sometimes).

The Number 23
Joel Schumacher makes a movie. That movie is bad. We all forgive him next time he makes a good one. And the cycle continues thusly.

I like a lot of sci-fi and horror movies. So when you rip sections of those great movies off and ram them together, you can't expect me to sit back and be agog at the originality. Not good.

The Reaping

The Simpsons Movie
Well, I laughed quite a bit. One supposes that is all that could have been expected.Wind ChillI actually quite liked this low-budget horror even though it was lame.

Kickin It Old School
Jamie Kennedy has a break dancing accident when he's a kid and wakes up from a 20 year coma only to discover everyone's moved on but he still wants to break dance. Cue hilarity. Or not in this case.

The Last King Of Scotland
Decent. The direction isn't so hot, though.

Trashy sandal-wearing music video popcorn entertainment for chicks and gay dudes.

Fantastic 4: Rise of The Silver Surfer
Or as my boyfriend quite eloquently re-titled it: Fantastic 4: Rise of The Turd To The Surface. No better review could be available.

Harry Potter & The Order Of The Pheonix
Liked it a lot.

The King of Kong
Awesome doc about one man's quest to become the ultimate Donkey Kong champion.

The Lookout
Not that good movie about a bank robbery with Memento-leanings. People need to start being careful about labelling every movie with Joseph Gordon-Levitt a masterpiece. Cause they aren't. And every dumb gush lessens the impact of the good ones.

Spiderman 3
Just awful.

Knocked Up
Quite funny.

28 Weeks Later
Nice gore. And Stringer Bell. But forgettable.

Stephen King adaptation. Do you need more information than that? Oh, ok: shit, then.

The Invisible
David S Goyer. Pointy-faced kid from War of The Worlds re-make. Interesting start quickly turns to crapsoup.

Oceans 13
Better than Oceans 12, but that ain't hard.

Little Children
Quite good. With love it or hate it narration.

More craziness from John Cameron Mitchell which contains some of the greatest dialogue of the year, including my own personal favourite: "Was that the first time someone sang the National Anthem into your ass?" ………. "No."

Unwatchable Bay piffle.

Reign Over Me
Adam Sandler is horridly miscast in this post-9/11 comedy(?)

The Wicker Man (Remake)
Bees. Not even so-bad-its-funny. I don't really know what Neil LaBute was thinking.

Bridge To Terabithia
Nice kids movie. Not like Angus good. But decent.

Planet Terror
Winsomely gory and one-shot entertainment. Like snorting a line of coke off a dead frog.

The Painted Veil
Really quite good. If you're into period tragi-roms.

Brothers Of The Head
Can't say really what I thought of this head-scratcher.

Breaking & Entering
Watchable Anthony Minghella fluff.

Pirates of The Caribbean: At Worlds End
And you thought it couldn't get any worse. Well, you were wrong, weren't you.

The Bourne Ultimatum
As forgettable as the second one. Frankly, I find Paul Greengrass pretty overrated.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
So bad it makes you wish you were watching Pirates of The Caribbean: At World's End. Really.

Great animation and style, but not up to the usual Pixar standard. We're in A Bug's Life territory here, rather than Toy Story/Incredibles. There's just something missing.

Shrek 3
Unnecessary and dull third installment.

Hairspray (remake)
Surprisingly fun, although Travolta is a little jarring.

Insanity from William Friedkin. Almost great.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

The Hoax
I have problems with Lasse Hallstrom movies in general but this is ok. It would make a good opener for a triple bill with Auto Focus and All The Presidents Men.

Chris Cooper makes a nothing kinda film worth watching.

All this "It's better than Capote" crap. No, it isn't. It's alright. It's not better though.

The Fountain
So, in his efforts to prove he's not a one trick pony (I say that despite the man having made two good movies - they both utilised the same visual techniques) Aronofsky brings us what can only be described as "a turkey." It is a truly awful affair.

Wal Mart: The High Cost Of Low Price
Yeah, Wal Mart are evil. This is not new information. It's ok.

Marie Antoinette
It's actually ok. It just breezes on by, not offending anyone (except the French. But who gives a fuck what they think). I'm kind of sick of Kirsten Dunst though. Maybe she should take some time off.

Deja Vu
Oh Tony Scott. The Scott. Visually, he can only do one thing, so it's not like I was expecting anything original. It's vaguely entertaining, especially in the more ludicrous plot devices (may I be so bold as to tap the 'portable future vision' macguffin? Hilariously bad. "Don't forget to take the battery backpack!").

It looks good, but it's about an hour too long and the songs made me pray for death.

Smokin Aces
Bad, but almost worth it for the brief Jason Bateman scenes. I guess the Narc fanatics out there are hanging their heads in shame for pre-emptively labelling the dude the "next Scorsese."

Do I even need to say this was terrible?

Not the Kelly Brook movie. The Marc Blucas low budget horror. At one point they seriously try on the old "multiple personalities fractured mirror" trick. I kinda thought that shit was illegal now, worthy of the death penalty. But I guess not.

Ghost Rider
Worse than the main character's little eccentricities (I guess that whole M&Ms in a Martini glass thing doesn't clang so much in the comic format). Worse than the effects (wow. over-used CGI? this must be the FUTURE or somethin!) Worse than the script (must.crowbar in.character history.and.exposition.from.comics!can't.sacrifice.a syllable!) Yes, the worst thing about this movie is Nicholas Cage's hair. I don't know whether it's a wig, or hairplugs, but someone should tell him to sort that shit out. That shit ain't right. Also, someone should tell him that just cause he likes comics, doesn't mean he can play the main character in the movie adaptation. C'mon Cage, you look 60. Let it go.

The Kovak Box
Hmm, The Kovak Box. Basically a showcase for the director. Played a few indie festivals. Works for me, although I remain strangely undecided about its actual quality.

Black Christmas (remake)
Alright. Didn't hate it as much as everyone else. Didn't love it either, mind.

88 Minutes
Al Pacino gets a call telling him he's gonna die in 88 Minutes. That's it. Limp.

Reno 911: Miami
Kind of three episodes of the show strung together. Amusing, in parts.

The Devil & Daniel Johnson
The best movie on this list. Really very good.

Nice atmosphere. Linney: drool. Above average.

The Thirst
As I feel obliged to watch everything Jeremy Sisto's in, I'm ashamed to say I skipped through a lot of this low budget vampire movie. It was just too bad, even for me.

Music & Lyrics
Without effective rom or com, and saved from 1 star territory only by that "Pop Goes My Heart" tune. Which is oddly addictive.

Cage's hairplugs get another outing in what is, one supposes, supposed to be 'mind bending' action fare. It isn't. Mind bending, I mean. Just pretty bad. And I don't get the whole Jessica Biel thing. She doesn't appear to be a good actress or even all that special looking. But, whatever.

Hot Fuzz
Whereas Shaun Of The Dead was the kind of movie you could watch any old time and pretty much enjoy, Hot Fuzz is the kind of movie you should probably watch with a few mates and a few more beers. On your own, you'd only be left to conclude that while it might be fun, amusing and diverting; it isn't really laugh out loud funny. Which is a little disheartening. Also, I think we've seen all Edgar Wright has to offer as a director now. One might suggest both himself and the man Pegg move on to just writing.

Dead Silence
Compared to a lot of shit out there, Dead Silence is alright, and on a couple of brief occasions, midly creepy. Of course it's crap, I won't dispute that. But on a sliding scale of cripplingly inept horror flicks that are churned out by the second, it's decent.

The thing is, I just don't trust Michael Moore. I don't trust his integrity. Back in the Roger & Me days, the TV Nation era, he hadn't lost our trust. But now he has. So while this is an ok doc, it's hard not to take anything but the bare, undisputed facts presented without a pinch of salt.

The Queen
TV movie. Nothing, really. Yes, Helen Mirren is a good actress, but this isn't even close to some of the great performances I've seen from her. I recently re-watched the first Prime Suspect and she still blows me away in that.

Blood Diamond
The accent bothered me. Also, this is about a pretty harrowing and serious subject matter and it treats it like a cheesy popcorn flick, which left me tasting vinegar and lemon in mouth. Sour.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres
Hugely silly and great fun to watch late at night. It's not really critique-able, as such.

Nowhere near as lame as the trailers make out, it's actually pretty good.

Justin Long is actually a pretty good actor. Shame he's reduced to crap like this and being the dorky sidekick (again) in Live Free or DIE HARD. Yeah, there's fourth one coming. Did you know? Oh you did? Well, fuck you then. Accepted isn't that bad, it's just not funny. Like:

You, Me & Dupree
No laughs. Just....none.

Just My Luck
Yeah, I watched Just My Luck. I don't really need to say anything about it though, cause it co-stars McFly and Lindsay HoHan.

Nacho Libre
Looks great. NO LAUGHS. There's been a spate of these recently. Did Jared Hess peak with his first movie? It happens.

Spike Lee's When The Levees Broke: A Requiem In Four Parts.
Really, really good. First Inside Man, now this? Did Spike Lee get hit in the head or something and find some new id?

She's The Man
Yeah, I watched She's The Man. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I probably would have loved it as a kid.

No. Don't do it. Don't watch Beerfest. There's nothing here for you. THIS IS NOT THE WAY.

Clerks 2
THE SONG IS SINGING WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE SCREEN. I hate it when people do that. I love Talking Heads and I have nothing against Kevin Smith, but it's like nails down a blackboard straight off, which is never good. It grinds along for a while then becomes adequate enough with some amusing moments, but it has tone problems, and occasionally veers into a land I like to call "Please Stopville."

Superman Returns
Popcorn fodder. A little gay. A little Barbara Streisand's hairdresser. Yeah, a little Peters. Giant spider was replaced with giant rock. Which still sucked. But overall it was ok. Better put together than the X Men movies.

Miami Vice
Hot cast alert. Theroux, Farrell, Herc from The Wire. Hello. A speedboat flies across the water as Colin Farrell's mullet shimmers in the wind. A bi-racial girl with protruding collar bones pouts beside him and removes some items of clothing for...comfort. It looks great, but it's silly and vacuous. If you're not expecting to get blown away it'll divert you for two hours. It ends with a nu-metal Phil Collins cover version. Mm.

An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder
He's done nothing since the last one! So the stories just go on and on and go nowhere and are of only vague interest! Its Ricky Gervais' Politics syndrome all over again.

The Break Up
Meh. It's ok.

The Sentinel
I don't have to tell you The Sentinel is bad. You already know it's bad using your psychic powers. It's like you have ESPN or something.

Pulse (Remake)
No. It's not good. Despite a nonsensical minute with Brad Dourif. It actually managed to be worse than the original. How is that even possible.

Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Infrequently amusing and utilising every ounce of Gary Cole. He's human celluloid momentum.

The Devil Wears Prada
Fluff. A little bit crap, too. Maybe quite a lot crap.

The Covenant
I enjoyed Mark Kermode's review of The Covenant: "Renny Harlin: How? Where? Why? And when is he going to stop?" Despite it being truly awful and having absolutely nothing going for it, I sense a possible sequel, and cult crap success? How do you join The Covenant? Well, you must be bleached out grey in skin colour, and have generic male model good looks. You also must be prepared to either adopt the exact same voice as Josh Hartnett, or the voice of every surfer dude ever put on screen. He's not fooling us! He picked these guys out of a hat! I'd lay money on it!

Keifer Sutherland is William Burroughs. Courtney Love is his wife. Ron Livingston is Allan Ginsberg. No, really. I got this for 99p as I thought it might be unintentionally entertaining, but it was actually alrightish, which for some reason disappointed me.

My Super Ex Girlfriend
Not funny. Not good. Just not anything, really. Remember when Ivan Reitman used to make good movies? Maybe he used to take drugs or something, and now he's clean he's lost it. Like Aaron Sorkin. And speaking of drugs, look out for the new Joel "coke-fruit" Schumacher movie coming soon, "The Number 23" with Jim (newly Scientological) Carrey.

I don't understand Uwe Boll. I really don't. What's his motivation? So you make a really bad movie, then you end it with a ten minute montage of the bad movie you just made? I don't know whether Bloodrayne is a good game. It probably is. Maybe i'll make an effort to play it. I just don't think it would make me think this is a good movie. Rich Kyanka Vs Uwe Boll fist fight? Comedy gold.

Rest Stop
So we've seen Rider Strong try his hand in Cabin Fever and now here's Joey Lawrence from Blossom in a movie about a killer who picks his victims off at a "REST STOP" (no shirt, shitlock) and it's just not good. In fact, the more of this shit I'm subjecting myself to, the more I'm starting to think Wolf fucking Creek was a good movie. Clearly, this is not a happy development.

Population 436
So, Jeremy Sisto? Your TV show was cancelled? Yeah, well. Its sucks to be you. Luckily, you're efforlessly charming slash strangely attractive and you'll bounce back. You get paid for this, you get paid for Wrong Turn, you get paid for May. True, on this you had to endure spending six months with Fred Durst, but you GOT. PAID. Now pick yourself up, do another trashy horror b-movie, and try again motherfucker! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight! FIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT! *shakes head* Sorry, I channelled Ed Harris again.Run Ronnie RunFor a movie with so many funny people in it, it's not funny. Once again, the wildly oscillating talents of David Cross nose dive dramatically.

Scary Movie 4
When the funniest thing in your movie is a 3 second appearance of Chingy, you know you've got problems.

So it's a ghost movie made on the Isle Of Wight, by some Spanish people, with Calista Flockhart. Confusing. It's alright, nothing new.

The Woods
I love May. This is nowhere near being as good as May.

Man About Town
Well, its primary issue is tonally, it's all over the place. You never really like any of the characters, which is important when you haven't got a script that relies on not liking the characters. Like in Happiness, Rules Of Attraction, ok. Ben Affleck is at least trying some new things. John Cleese was like nails down a blackboard.

Fairly entertaining, I suppose. Better than a lot of Sandler efforts.

Produced by Kevin Williamson and directed by the guy that did I Know What You Did Last Summer. By the numbers, but passable at least. The bad guy is a zombie possessed by 13 evil souls which were transferred into him when he was bitten by voodoo snakes. That's all you really need to know. You either just read that and went "sounds awesome!" or not.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
Diabolically bad.

Art School Confidential
Malkovich and Broadbent are great in this, but it isn't vintage Zwigoff. {"That breakfast nook is VINTAGE LOHAN!"} It's good but not great. Worth watching though. Some decent laughs. Terry from Reno911 is in it. He is in everything now. Has 40 seconds of TV exposure ever led to so many film roles? But hey, I love Terry, i'm not complaining. He was also in Click and The Benchwarmers, and he's got a bunch of movies coming out in which he will still probably have 40 seconds of screen time. Money in the bank.

It's not the worst movie ever, but you never need to see it more than once.

Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift
Awesome. I laughed a lot. That probably wasn't intentional, but who gives a fuck. Bright, shiny colours and lights!

It was ok. Nicely shot and everything. What was up with that shit near the end though? Bana climaxing in slow motion while he screams at the memories of the dead Israeli's? It was just grating.

Mission Impossible 3: More Mission, More Impossible
Well the first two sucked so hard it was hard for this one to aspire to those depths. It was entertaining enough, like an Alias 2-parter with a bigger budget. Funniest moment? Tom Cruise happily strolling across the bridge in Shanghai wearing 9 inch platform shoes. No one can make that look natural, I don't care how much money you've got, or how long you've been practising your drag act.

The Lake House

Marc Forster is a decent director and this looks pretty good. Everyone's trying to lift the material somewhat, and Gosling does better than in Leland; but Ewan McGregor is WOEFULLY miscast and is just awful. Like chewing tinfoil.

Thank You For Smoking
It was ok. Lots of continuity errors, which I don't normally notice, but these were extremely fore-frontal (is that a word?) Ok-ish first time effort, but it won't blow you away.

Friends With Money
Not as good as Lovely & Amazing, but you get what you pay for. Indie character piece with no real story to speak of. No one is buying Jennifer Aniston as a cleaning lady, just as no one is buying J-Lo as a Maid In Manahattan (that movie is diabolical though.)

Yeah. It was ok. I think I was expecting too much. It came off a little up it's own ass. Don't laugh, it happens to the best of us, right? Personally, I like to come off up my own ass at least bi-weekly.

Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room
Skilling. Skeksis. They should have dubbed the Skeksis noises over everything he said. Maybe they could mull that suggestion over for a future special edition. Or not.

Silent Hill
Look, it was crap. All style and no substance. Gans had a similar problem with Brotherhood Of The Wolf. And when I say "similar" of course I mean exactly the same fucking problem. He's a mysogenistic coke frog. But I like crap horror movies usually, as long as they're not rated 12a. If you're going to suck, don't candy-ass suck. So yeah, I liked it. My favourite parts were when it was laugh out loud bad. Those were the parts with dialogue.

The King
Seen it all before. Also: the boom was bobbing around in every shot. That boom should have got some kind of SAG PAYE.

16 Blocks

An entertaining way to waste 90 minutes. I love the Fillion. New Fillion project - White Noise 2: White Noise Takes Manhattan. White Noise 2: Electric Boogaloo. White Noise 2: 2 White 2 Noisy. White Noise In Your Butt. . . . .Cum Farts?

The Benchwarmers
Rob Schneider. David Spade. Baseball. A magic robot. No, seriously. Who was in that pitch meeting? "So it's about nerds getting the chance to beat up little kids and play baseball and it...." "Yeah. Let me stop you there. Loving it. Loving it. Hilarious. Mm. there any way it can have a magic robot in it? Maybe a magic robot who is also an English butler?" "........"

Basic Instinct 2
Silly and fun and crap. And surprisingly well directed.

Running Scared
The guy that directed this wants to be Tony Scott. (WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT. WHY.) Do you like Paul Walker? Can you buy him as a gritty crim 'from the block?' Are you un-sick of seeing Cameron Bright as sympathetic and unsmiling child actor foil? Do you like FLASH WHIP PANS? You'll LOVE this! It sucks.

X Men 3
3 pish films in a row. Can it stop now? Can it?

Probably as good as Dogville. Pretty messed up.

Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's ChestI enjoyed it slightly more than the first one (which isn't hard, cause I didn't much care for that at all) but I think mostly the enjoyment was coming from watching Bruckheimer in the cinema. With the teeth-shattering music and the 'who cares about the plot' and the wanting to slap Orlando Bloom right in the giblets. Plus my expectations going in were extremely low. And I hate Gore Verbinsky.

Date Movie
One of the worst films ever made. In an ideal world, the people responsible would perhaps be lined up and shot.

The Hills Have Eyes
Well, blood and gore: not scary. It was alright. As in, decently shot but actually crap.

Hustle & Flow
I enjoyed it. Terence Howard is the black Benicio Del Toro. In the development stages of the movie, Howard wanted to change the musical passion of the character from rap to "more Kenny Rogers." True story. Terence Howard is therefore unintentionally hilarious, and rules.

Final Destination 3
Not as good as the first two (hey, I really like the first two.) There's an interview on the disc where James Wong disses the second movie (which he didn't get to direct), and says the third one is going to be much better than that. And by better, presumably, he means: shit.

A Cock & Bull Story
I like Michael Winterbottom. I like Steve Coogan. But I only laughed twice.

V For Vendetta
It was silly and a bit rubbish, just like the comic. But fairly enjoyable in a "watch it once and forget it" kind of way.

Flight 93
Ok. Doom-filled. Strange choice of Titanic-mimicking muzak tacked on the end.

The Proposition
I was looking forward to it. I love Danny Huston. It was just ok though.

Good Night & Good Luck

Inside Man
Hugely enjoyable in a "this plot makes no sense but I don't care" kind of way. Nice to see Jodie Foster described as a "magnificent cunt" on screen. Clive Owen spends most of the movie wearing a mask so it kindly disguises that he is, in fact, a chair.

Aeon Flux
Silly, but nowhere near as bad as people made out. The animated series is superior but that goes without saying (that's why I'm saying it.)

The Three Burials Of Malquides Estrada
Great, yeah. Really good. Both dvd covers for this and Propostion had a tagline that stated "this is the best western since Unforgiven!!" I've never seen Unforgiven and I don't like Westerns in general, but I really enjoyed this.

Amy Adams and Ben Mackenzie are both good in this, but the movie is so far up its' own ass it can lick its' own ribcage clean. It reeks of low budget indie. In a bad way.

American Dreamz
Yeah. It doesn't gel. It's not a terrible movie, it just doesn't work.

Everything Is Illuminated
"Pretentious" and "Wanky" and "insert anti-semetic, anti-actor comment." So I'm exactly the sort of jumped-up cunt that really, really liked it.

Mrs Henderson Presents
Eh. Y'know. It's just there. Doing what it does. And there's not a lot there. But it's ok.

Unknown White Male
Yep. Ok-ish, if slightly-Upper-East-Side-urban-pseudo-cool documentary on memory loss. It's nowhere near as epileptic fit-inducing as Tarnation.

Grizzly ManLook, I love Werner Herzog. I wish I WAS Werner Herzog. He has accepted that life is about horror and pain and cruelty, and he is the complete opposite of a tee-total eccentric animal lover. While the rest of us die unexpectedly at the hands of a bear or our own personal failures, Herzog will just continue being the kind of quiet, thoughtful, obessesed crazy man who casually rescues Joaquin Pheonix from a car crash then disappears. Or gets shot by a passer-by and then looks dispassionately at the bloody hole in his stomach and remarks simply "It is not a significant wound" in that strangely detatched German accent. And Grizzly Man is as much about Herzog's own relationship with nature and life as it is about Treadwell's. Oh, you can be aware of the bear. But don't love the bear. Because the bear will kill you. Some of us can't help loving the bear because we were built for loving the bear, man. (Or some such liberal-environmental cotton nonsense.)

Into The Blue
It's alright. I mean, it's crap. But it's alright. It's no feardotcom. But...

The Fog (Remake) Diabolically bad. I'm a fan of the (widely regarded as risible) original, but i'm pretty sure this was awful, nonsensical shitness.

Good, yeah. Old school. Tight. Probably deserved the BP, if we're judging on actual quality.

Where The Truth Lies
Got terrible reviews. I liked it. I usually find Atom Egoyan movies have a unique feel to them as individual projects. Intoxicating.

Noi Albanoi
Good soundtrack. Nice looking. Something missing.

Save The Green Planet

Twilight Samurai

Matt Dillon can't do justice to Bukowski like Rourke did. Barfly: great. Factotum: sub-average.

Great set and prop design. I want that game! The child inside of me was happy. Tim Robbins - still grating.

Vodka Lemon
Quite crap, actually. Armenia is not fun. Who knew.

I liked it, personally. Everyone said it was a) complicated, b) complicated for complicated's sake, c) liberal nonsense. Maybe, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it, and thinking it was actually quite accomplished. Especially that "oh fuck" bit at the end that made me jump.

The Constant Gardener
Good. Sad, but good. Ended kind of abruptly, but the ending was the only scene glaringly Le Carre. Yes, quite decent. It's kind of by-the-numbers, but not in a jarring way.

Caché (Hidden)
Oh, Caché. Genius. Or wank. Or both. I reserve the right not to make a decision. decision n. The passing of judgment on an issue under consideration. The act of reaching a conclusion or making up one's mind. A conclusion or judgment reached or pronounced; a verdict. IN YOUR FACE, HANEKE. Two can play that game, my friend.

An indie movie with William H Macy that disappeared completely last year. It's alright. Hitman-in-emotional-quandary-type affair we've all seen in plenty of past incantations.

The Chronicals Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe
I found the books unbearable when I was a kid, so it's a small achievement(sp) that this first film in the series is quite watchable. This is probably down to the fact that the director, Andrew Adamson of Shrek 1 and 2, is highly competant at making the CGI half believable and had enough guts to savagely tear out all the cringeworthy dialogue i'm sure must have been in the original script. Well done, that man. You may continue. I might also add this was better than all three Lord Of The Rings movies for me, but then we all know i'm a Tolkien-hatar.

Lucky Number Slevin
Paul McGuigan last directed the risible Wicker Park, but it's not McGuigan's fault Wicker Park was shit. He's a decent director. It's everyone else's fault. The same goes here, where even though McGuigan might try to pull it off, he can't. The script made me wince. It thought itself to be terribly original and amusingly referencial, but it wasn't. Josh Hartnett can only be allowed in movies where he is surrounded by good actors that distract from the fact that he himself is not a good actor. Here: Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis and Stanley Tucci. You can see the predictable outcome of the film from the first 10 minutes in. And Ben Kingsley is fucking awful. It's only McGuigan's deft hand that leaves this film clinging by its' fingernails to a pile marked "Average." Give the man a decent project, for chrissake. What's that? His next project is a film version of the "classic" tv show The Equalizer? But...why....?

Sympathy For Lady Vengeance
Nice touches, but definitely the weakest of the trilogy. It could have been better, but there were too many pointless parts. Plus it climaxed at least 3 times. Which is no Return Of The King, but. Quite annoying.


Sky High
The Not Kitamura film. I liked it. However, the 8 year old inside me is easy to please. Especially when it comes to Kurt Russell.

North Country

Underworld: Evolution
It is slightly more bearable than the first one, due to there being less dialogue.

In Her Shoes
It was alright. Bit of a bawl fest. Total chick flick.

March Of The Penguins
Well, I cried like a bitch all the way through. So, I can't really judge whether it was great or not. I think it was, kinda.

Russia. Were-tigers. Vampires. A lot of really speed-edited CGI. Pretty much arse.

Broken Flowers
I'd heard a lot of bad shit about Broken Flowers, and I really didn't like Coffee & Cigarettes. But it was quite good. I get that it's nice to have these sort of unresolved films, but I reserve the right to feel a little cheated.

It's very well shot, very good direction and acting. But we're on familiar ground here, thematically. The film doesn't attempt to break any new ground, unlike say Three Kings or Apocalypse Now. I'm glad I took the time to listen to the Mendes commentary. He's very sly, that Mendes, and he really does know how to convert you a little more with his own passion and understanding of the material. And he can't help but take his hat off to Peter Sarsgaard, who he describes as "[producing the] best acting performance in any of my movies so far. Truly heart-stopping." He's not wrong. He also adds a little fuel to the "Jake Gyllenhaal is a jumped-up, arrogant, violent prick" fire. A fire that perhaps began when Popbitch outed him as the guy who, while doing promotional work for Jarhead and Brokeback, started every conversation he had at a party or meet-and-greet with "I just fucked Chelsea Clinton."

Just Friends
I liked it. I laughed my ass off. What can I say? It was highly retarded, and I dig that. Plus the guy who had the foresight to cast Ryan Reynolds and Chris Marquette as brothers is some sort of Idiot Savant. Anna Faris is stupidly hot.

Mad Hot Ballroom
Quite enjoyable to watch.

Happy Endings
Don Roos. Is not a good director. This, therefore, is not a good film.Walk The LineCompletely by the numbers and offering nothing new. It's just...a biopic. Average.

The Brothers Grimm
Since 2002, my Worst Hollywood Film Ever has been feardotcom, the dull horror movie with Stephen Dorff. Now it's The Brothers Grimm. Truly, truly terrible.

The Barbarian Invasions
It was alright.

Brokeback Mountain
Pretty good. Great direction. Good acting, especially from the women. Quite sad. In retrospect, I would say neither Crash or Brokeback is the "better film" really. They're both too different to single one out either way. Both good at their own thing. And may I say, Heath Ledger is a fucking baked ham, and is awful in nearly every movie ever, and only isn't awful in this because they've managed to edit around it somehow. And for that kind of Save, Ang Lee deserves

Rock School
Eh, it was ok. I've seen quite a lot of documentaries, this falls in the middle.

Nobody Knows
Grim. Sad. Depressing Japanese film about 4 kids who get abandoned by their mother and have to fend for themselves for a long time. Great details. Kind of like The Cement Garden, but better, and not so much with the incest.

The Sisterhood Of The Travelling PantsPants.
Bradley Whitford: for shame.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Good, although Robert Downey Jr is a mumbler by nature, so I missed a few jokes. Perhaps it was crappy sound on my dvd player.

The Family Stone

Ivans XTC
Great. Danny Huston playing a movie agent/exec/producer who finds out he's about to die from a massive lung tumour. Based on a Tolstoy book/play. I thought it was excellent.

A History Of Violence
Another good comic book movie (there are very few) and although it got a bit silly toward the end, my faith in Mr Cronenberg is once again restored. (Oh come on, he's sucked for years and years and you know it.) Also features Maria "pins" Bello in a number of erotic scenarios. Mmm, that's good Bello.

King Kong
You know how sometimes a movie is so boring you start inventing an offensive subtext for it? No? Oh well. I found this film as dire as I feared. But then I've hated all of Peter Jacksons' films bar one. [To explain: there used to be this guy around called Adam Somethingbeginningwith"B"icantremember, and he was a schizophrenic. I mean really, i'm not saying that in a jokey way. Clinical. And when he was off his meds he used to sit and watch films obsessively and look for bizarre subtext in Hollywood movies. Like "The Star Wars Paedophilia Subtext" and "The Eyes Wide Shut Social Subtext" and "The Jewish Hollywood Conspiracy Subtext" etc etc. And I used to actually find the dude entertaining even though he was quite insane, because he was fairly harmless. So now, when I watch certain Blockbusters that are boring the shit out of me, I like to play The Adam Game in my head, where I try to see the Whatever subtext he might have gleaned. From King Kong I got "The Aryan chick dumps the black guy for a Jew, therefore revealing the Jewish conspiracy to breed out "the Jewish look" by mating with white blond girls." I wanted to explain that, because you all know I'm not insane, but harmlessly offensive is still offensive, which is why I only play The Adam Game in my head.]

The Beat That My Heart Skipped
Very good. France: One. Harvey Kietel: Zero.

Tzameti (13)
Good. Like Intacto, but B&W, minus the luck stuff and plus despair.

Land Of The Dead
I enjoyed it. I probably wouldn't watch it again but it wastes 90 minutes effortlessly.

Wolf Creek
Like Haute Tension meets Blair Witch without the witch...not my kind of thing.

More unintentionally hilarious stuff from Rob Cohen, ubiquitous director of Fast & The Furious, XXX and The Skulls.

White Chicks
Awful. Like Pacifier bad.

Wallace & Gromit In The Curse Of The Ware-Rabbit
Depends if you like Nick Park-y things. They're quite silly and not to everyone's taste. But I do like Nick Park-y things, so I enjoyed this.

Made Swimf@n look like Taxi Driver. Awful. Gary Cole appears for exactly 7 seconds for no reason.

Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire
I haven't read the books. I probably won't, unless I go on some long boat journey somewhere and need something extensive to do. Saw the first two movies, kinda thought they sucked. Saw the last one, liked it a lot better. This one is ok too. Note that the acting of that kid playing Hermione isn't improving, and grates constantly, reminding one of Veruca Salt in the original Willy Wonka.

Haute Tension (Switchblade Romance)
Not a big fan of exploitation gore movies. Or the French. Hot lesbian masturbating does not a classic make.

Alright. Passed the time. Not particularly good, though.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
Better than Nightmare Before Christmas (overrated by 20-something goths everywhere, much like the risible Crow) but the songs are still crap. Short, easy to digest. Neither film is a patch on Vincent though. Why spend 10 years trying to better something you perfected in 5 minutes at the start of your career? Move on already.

Flight Plan
Looks good. Co-stars the uber-fuckable Peter Saarsgard. But ends up being a bit shit, really. Totally disposable.

Kairo (Pulse)
I was looking forward to it a lot. It's quite creepy but makes no sense at all; and not in a good way. Also could have used about 40 minutes cut out of it. Remake could be better, in this instance.

Saw II
It's as bad as the first one. And by bad, I don't mean "gross", I mean awful. They're both essentially structured the same way as The Usual Suspects. Which, as it happens, is not a shit film. The first 20 minutes of this second outing is edited like a trailer. Very migrainous. If migrainous is a word.

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
I really like Laura Linney and Campbell Scott. However, this movie is crap. Regarding my Laura Linney devotion: I would say (not knowing anything of her personality) she is the hottest woman alive, and I have seen most of her films at least 20 times. I also own The Mothman Prophecies, a film in which Laura Linney stars and I find somewhat creepy despite the prescence of Richard "5 facial expressions" Gere. Emily Rose is not creepy for its horror part, and is not tense in its courtroom part (riddled with the most predictable dialogue--if you've seen more than 2 court movies or watched some kind of lawyer show on tv at any point you will be able to actually say the lines before the actors do. Would have been more entertaining as a drinking game: "Objection, your honour! Leading the witness!"..."Sustained!" CHUG.)

McLibel (New Version)Same as the old one, pretty much, with 15 minutes tacked on the end.

Lords Of Dogtown
Dogtown & Z-Boys was a pretty good documentary. Lords Of Dogtown is not a good movie. Emile Hirsch is the best thing in it. He appears to be making a living out of being the best thing about any movie he's in (Girl Next Door, Dangerous Lives Of Alter Boys). That could change with the new Nick Cassavetes movie "ALPHA DOG" in which he stars with old Next Big Things - Shawn Hatosy (remember The Faculty), Dominique Swain (remember Lolita), Lukas Haas (remember Solar Babies and Mars Attacks), Vincent Kartheiser (remember Another Day In Paradise and Angel), - The Next Big Things Of Now - Ben Foster (Remember Get Over It, Six Feet Under, Hostage, Bang Bang You're Dead and now XMEN3), Anton Yelchin (remember he's Hank Azaria's son "Byrd" in the TV show HUFF) and The Next Big Things Of Tomorrow - Justin Timberlake. (Don't look at me, that's what *THEY* are saying. I cannot vouch for the acting talent of Captain Bimberflake, although Nick Cassavetes recently sponsered another Mickey Mouser's leap to big parts with Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.) Time will tell.

Ok, here's the premise of this movie:"At the heart of a densly wooded forest lies a mysterious girls' boarding school, cut off from the outside world by a great wall with no door. Within, a group of youngsters aged between seven and twelve gather round a small coffin, from which emerges a new pupil, six year old Iris. Led by the eldest girl, Bianca, Iris is introduced to this strange yet enchanting world of lamp-lit forest paths and eerie underground passageways, where there are no adults save for some elderly servants and two melancholy young teachers..."It was packed full of metaphor and symbolism and layers, was utterly mesmerising and I loved it. Some of the reviews have been pretty bad, but those were clearly dumb people, as it is really, really good. Although I think dudes might have a hard time liking it.

McLibel (original 1997)
Pretty interesting, i'd like to see the new McLibel.

Howl's Moving Castle
Those of you who know me pretty well know that Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones has been my favourite book since I was 8. I've never met another person who's read it, and why should I? It's a childrens book, basically a fantasy love story, which almost completely disappeared on release and has survived about 19 reprints due to cult word of mouth.Around three years ago, I heard that Hayao Miyazaki was making a full length animated feature of it. The man behind Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away and Grave Of The Fireflies. excited was I? Pretty. Fucking. Excited. So excited that I got the 2 Disc edition that appeared this week without even so much as watching the trailer; my excitement further enhanced by the American dub, and what I observed as great attention to detail twixt that and the novel. (Howl is originally from Wales. Christian Bale is originally from Wales.)But what I forgot to keep in check was an incredibly relevant fact about Miyazaki: he's a little bit obsessed with nature and war and small animals. And a little bit crazy. It's why we love him but never understand him.So he took the novel, and kept visciously to 50 per cent of the story elements and minute details therein. And then threw the other 50 per cent away, and inserted a war. Yeah, he just made up a war, and threw countless minutes of screentime away on it, never exactly explaining why it's happening or who's involved.Subsequently, the movie makes very little sense after about the half-way mark. Can't help but feel that if he'd stuck to the book it would have been a 100 per cent good movie, instead of a half-good movie.And I thought perhaps since I was so avidly, stalker-like, crazy-person about the book, perhaps I wasn't objective enough to see the film on it's own merit. So I asked around a bit, read a few reviews, but they near-enough all came to the same conclusion: "Yeah, it's ok and that. It looks good. Doesn't make much sense though."Shame.

The Road To Guantanamo
Incredibly accomplished documentary slash re-enactment of the story of three British kids who went to Pakistan for a wedding and ended up in Camp X-Ray/Delta for many years. Frightening and fucked up. They must have rued the day they decided to visit Afghanistan on a whim cause "they have huge Naan breads there! Fucking huge!"

Enduring Love
Oh, Enduring Love. Much maligned by my boyfriend. Much nodded at by British critics. It's very decently made, with an excellent opening scene involving a hot-air balloon. And most of the way through I imagined it was trying to make insights into Post-Traumatic experiences, with the Rhys Ifans character playing an imaginary conscience and harbinger, preying on the brittle Daniel Craig with ideas of God, and Love, and Life. But it turned out to be about predictable stalk and slash nonsense. What a pity. I could take that film, change the end and give you a modern classic. So why didn't the director? Because he's the man responsible for the utterly risible Notting Hill, that's why. N00b.

Yeah. This guy directed Trainspotting, 28 Days Later and Shallow Grave. Danny Boyle. Here he directs a childrens movie. It sucks. Maybe children would like it. I seriously doubt it though.

One Day In September
Pretty decent documentary that made me hate Germany a little more than I already do. (Oh, don't take offence, Germany, I hate nearly all of Europe! Fuck, I've even got a grudge against the Belgians! 'The Belgians?!' Yes that's correct, sir slash madam. One word: Rwanda. Yes, they pretty much started that whole deal.) Although some of the presentation of it grated on me. I feel the same way about other documentaries which shift gears into music videos with no real reason.

The Island
Ripped apart by critics, shame-facedly drop-kicked from most cinemas after 2 weeks, and much bitched about by nearly everyone involved (and their agent), here comes THE ISLAND.MICHAEL BAY. MICHAEL. BAY. MICH.AEL.B.AY. has made an entirely derivative popcorn film. A patchwork quilt of everything from Coma, Clonus, I Robot, Minority Report, and....all his own movies, of course. The hack.And I couldn't tell you why, but I enjoyed the shit out of it.

Lord Of War
Really quite good film about the arms trade. Nicholas Cage effortlessly playing a soulless cunt of a man who sells weapons to children simply because he's "good at it." It's actually better than most of the movies it borrows from (Goodfellas, Blow, Scarface--you know the type.) I don't usually like Nicholas Cage unless he's playing in something with a maximum trash factor and a minimum think factor (Con Air, National Treasure, Face/Off) because if he's in something with higher stakes he tends to either boringly underplay the character (Matchstick Men, Family Man, City Of Angels) or wincingly overplay it (Rainsing Arizona, Moonstruck, Wild At Heart, Captain Correlli's Mandolin.) But he was just right in this.

I liked it a lot better than In The Mood For Love. Which I hear is grounds for a public lynching in the Asian Movie Nerd Universe. Tony Leung once again stars as Mr Chow, who has become what can only be described as An Asshole after his earlier heartbreak with old Mags. This time around, he vacantly moves from one gorgeous piece of chink ass to another, writing a sci-fi novel about lost memories (the scenes in the future are what Blade Runner has masturbatory fantasies about) and refusing to fall in love with Zhang Ziyi. Moron.

Great. Great. Great. It's every sports movie. But real.

Dark Water (Remake)
Well the original was shit. And this is just as bad. Walter Salles here disposes with the unintentionally hilarious climax of the original (ATTACK OF THE CLINGY KERMIT) and replaces it with...nothing. Just dull.

And that experience. The impenetrability of perfection. How do you review a movie with no real conventions or cliches? A movie that refuses to bend to it's own genre (sci fi. but not.)? You don't.I love how the synopsis makes it sound really straightforward though. Won Grand Jury Prize at Sundance. Confused the living fuck out of me. But that seems to be the point. (Which Abe is that? Which Aaron? When is this? Is this today? I don't know.) WHO'S THE PRESIDENT!!!1one

Surviving Christmas
Panned family Christmas romp with Ben Affleck. Isn't really that bad. Watchable enough, if easily discarded. Unlike:

Kicking & Screaming
Awful, awful shit. Diabolically bad. Can't even deliver a feel-good ending, which every mass-of-kids-doing-sport movie knows; if you can't beat em, copy Mighty Ducks shot for shot, and you'll get halfway there.

Bus 174
Harrowing, depressing and well-constructed doc on a Brazilian bus hi-jacking. Similar to Capturing The Friedmans. Which I forgot to put in my Best Of Year List, i've just realised. Knobhead.

Guy X
This is the kind of movie you catch channel-surfing at 2am and end up staying up til 4am to watch it til the end, as it is competently involving. But then you wonder why you bothered, cause it's not too clear about its' plot points. Perhaps the book is better. Still, it's nice to see Natascha McElhone in something fairly decent. She wildly vascillates between being in great movies (Solaris) and the worst kind of shit (feardotcom).

Silver City
Good. John Sayles is no mook, he knows how to put a decent movie together. And with the oft-forgotten Danny Huston taking centre stage in an ensemble piece and holding it up like Elliot Gould in Capricorn One. No complaints.

Central Station
Quite good. I cried. Which means nothing. I probably wouldn't buy it or anything but it was alright. Typical Walter Salles movie.

Le Diner de Cons
77 minutes of old school French farce. They're remaking it apparently. The remake will probably suck. No one can pull off this shit like the French. It's their thing.

The Brown Bunny
The Brown Bunny? The Brown Bunny! The Brown Bunny.This is either one of the greatest pieces of American cinema in the last century, or the worst film ever made. I can't decide.See, cause, the first 70 minutes is Nothing. And while Gus Van Sant can make 70 minutes of Nothing seem intoxicating, Vincent Gallo deliberately goes out of his way here to make 70 minutes of Nothing dull, repetitive, and, well....Nothing!But then...that ending. No, not the blowjob. The blowjob is irrelevant. And you want to scream, cause the ending is so good. And of course you then think...why didn't he just make the ending, and have a short film? But, that would have made the ending irrelevant. The Brown Bunny. The Brown Bunny? The Brown fucking Bunny!I DONT KNOW.I DONT KNOW.I DONT KNOW.and I hate that I DONT KNOW.

The Secret Lives Of Dentists
I don't know why I liked this movie. It was fairly average. Campbell Scott and Hope Davis are really good actors though, maybe that explains why.

Drew from AICN said this was the most overrated movie of the year. You know what he said the most underrated movie was? Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith. [ludicrousness n. -- Laughable or hilarious because of obvious absurdity or incongruity. See Synonyms at foolish.]Crash is good. It only has two minor problems; a slightly overbearing score, and a few cheesy moments. And I wouldn't say it was overrated. Everywhere I look are people complaining that "Crash is ok, but it isn't THAT good." while they roll their eyes. At least, their tone suggests eye rollage.Well it IS good. I really enjoyed it. And Revenge Of The Sith? Is a gigantic pile of shite wrapped in hunner dolla bills. I don't know how something released worldwide to an audience of millions that MAKES hundreds of millions can be underrated.Frankly, I'd rather buy my imaginary kids Crash-related toys. "Look mommy! It's the Don Cheadle and William Fichtner dolls! Can I get them? PUHLEASSSE? I WANNA PLAY 'SELL OUT TO WHITEY!'"

Me And You And Everyone We Know
I loved this movie, because of it's insanity. I don't think it's possible for me to hate a movie where the centrepiece moment is "I will poop into your butt, then you will poop back into my butt. I want to poop back and forth. Forever." I laughed so hard watching this movie that a little bit of pee came out. However, it is, arguably, hugely pretentious.

We Don't Live Here Anymore
Two couples in their thirties in unhappy marriages fuck each other and argue and stand around being upper middle class and frowning. YAWN. It's not The Ice Storm, which did this a lot better (it is also my controversial opinion that Ang Lee hasn't done anything near as good since.) Peter Krause, Naomi Watts and Mark Ruffalo should be doing something a little more worthwhile. But apparently Mark Ruffalo is currently selling his soul to RomComs, so he's very busy. The cunt.

The United States Of Leland
"Let's do our own version of Catcher In The Rye! That's not been done 5000 times before!" "Ok!!!!"Lame.

Matthew Bright directed Freeway and Freeway 2:Confessions Of A Trick Baby, two crazy and trashy movies I love. So why, in 2003, did he front this project, a by-the-numbers romdramcom about dwarves? I don't know. It tantamounts to a Movie Of The Week, and ends inexplicably and suddenly. You probably haven't heard of this movie but it stars Matthew McConnoghey and Gary Oldman. Yeah, they ran a million pound publicity campaign for Two For The Money, and this completely disappeared, even though it's just simply "alright." It's not awful, just fairly inconsequential.

Mean Creek
People said great things about Mean Creek, a predictable indie movie that has nothing but atmosphere, decent editing and direction going for it. It's average, at best. Those 4 and 5 star reviews weren't really warranted.

From the director of the forthcoming SNAKES ON A PLANE with Samuel L Jackson. I don't really need to say more than that, but I will. Jason Statham is the villain in this movie. As we all know, Jason Statham sucks. He really, really sucks. They only gave him about 3 lines in Cellular, which was a good decision. This is the kind of movie you can watch in the afternoon when you've got nothing to do and not want to commit suicide too much. But y'know...SNAKES ON A PLANE.

Red Eye
I really wish I hadn't seen the trailer, cause it shows you every freakin plot twist. If I hadn't known what was coming, I would have loved this old-school thriller, instead of just liking it. Wes Craven should do more movies like this, instead of more movies like Cursed.

Last Days
Yes, the 3rd movie after Gerry and Elephant. It's ok. I prefer Gerry. Michael Pitt continues his epic journey not to sell out. I suppose busting your cherry on Dawson's Creek is a steep learning curve for what constitutes a crap role. It's impressive though.

The Rage In Placid Lake
Ben Lee should stick to singing and playing the guitar. Not that he's totally awful in this, but the movie itself has been shunted together with ideas that just don't gel. Rose Byrne is hot.

The Isle
Kim Ki-Duk is completely insane. This movie is really good-looking. This movie also consists of nothing but fishhooks, sex and shitting. This movie sounds more interesting than it is.

Some good moments and a solid cast (I'll watch anything with Hank Azaria in it) can't save this movie, which drifts along aimlessly to it's conclusion. A better script and editing could have saved it. The director needs a slap.

Maria Full Of Grace
Was very good. I probably wouldn't watch it again, but it was very good.

Fantastic FourI
had heard it was awful. The first two acts were more entertaining than both Spiderman films, for me. The last act fell as flat as a pancake.

Coach Carter
It's 80 per cent montages, and was quite watchable. I even cried twice. But I'm pretty sure that was due to generic movie manipulatiuon.

Mr & Mrs Smith
Would have been 500 times more entertaining, had it not been so unbelievably FUCKING SMUG. Absolutely drowning in sheer, unadulterated (but not unadulterous) SMUGNESS. So, thumbs down, despite the action-based sequences, which were quite good.

The Jacket
"Lets rip off Jacobs Ladder and add a really dull twist."..."OK!!!" Adrien Brody is hot, he deserves better. Better than The Village, better than this, and better than King Kong (it looks fucking awful.)

The Pacifier
Vin Deisel. Disney. A script with ZINGERS like "Your duty? Oh so you're the babysitter, you must be on DOO DOO DOOTY."Yes, it is crap.

Seed Of Chucky
Mm. I love the Childs Play movies. This made me laugh a lot. And as Philip said, it does stretch to second guessing your own post modern ironic pop culture references. This is what happens when irony goes too far. I feel dirty, but I loved it.

Unleashed"YOOR MAH DAWG NAH!" This was a heap of crap. I heard Jet Li is thinking of retiring.....good.

Some (possibly unintentionally) amusing moments, but on the whole, pish.

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory
Less mediocre than Big Fish. Entertaining enough. But it's a remake. Y'know?

Skeleton Key
Watchable enough trash from Iain Softley (the man that brought us those movie classics-Hackers and K-Pax! and watchable due to the casting of Peter Saarsgard, John Hurt and Gena Rowlands. There's a difference between 'good' and 'watchable' though.

The Boondock Saints/Overnight
Once upon a time there was a complete dickwad called Troy Duffy who worked in a bar in Hollywood. He wrote a movie script, and Harvey Weinstein from Miramax bought it for $1,000,000! He also agreed to buy the bar for Troy that he worked in.Troy then continued being a complete dickwad, but now he was a COMPLETELY ARROGANT dickwad. He had MADE IT! IN THE INDUSTRY! Except when you've been signed on as a kissass, being a complete dickwad isn't going to wash. Soon, Troy Duffy is ostracized(sp) from Hollywood, but somehow he still managed to make his dream come true. He makes his movie, The Boondock Saints! It is, of course, a complete piece of shit!But, blessings counted, one of Troy's friends was smart enough to film the process, and turned in a decent enough documentary, Overnight, which lets you witness the whole car crash in its entirety.The only problem I have with the doc is, they said in the interview afterward that they didn't include the footage of Troy being racist, homophobic, sexist and violent. Why not? I don't think any eyebrows would have been raised. He is clearly That Guy.If only that car had succeeded in running him over. That would have been a sufficiently happy ending. But the only happy ending we get is...Troy's script was really bad, and he got a million bucks for it. A team of monkeys typing with faeces on their fingers could have written something better than The Boondock Saints, so at least there's hope for talented, struggling writers everywhere.

Ice Princess
It's a U-rated Disney movie about ice skating. The formula is set.

Million Dollar Baby
It's ok. Clint Eastwood can't really act. Hasn't really ever been able to act. But he's turning into a pretty good director. He should stick to that. The movie kind of dragged for me after sitting through The Sea Inside a few weeks back.

In The Mood For Love
I should have watched this a long time ago really but I kept missing opportunities. This Wong Kar-Wai film looks good enough to eat, and not in a slow-motion CGI flower petal or zooming dagger kind of way. Jamie bought me the sequel, 2046, last week, which I look forward to watching.

As I previously mentioned, this documentary (spanning 7 years in the careers of two bands-The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre) blew me away. I think if you're a fan of the bands or not, it doesn't matter, they spend so much screen time unintentionally mocking themselves it makes the music itself irrelevant. My favourite scene has to be Anton (the lead singer of BJM) mocking Zia (the oft topless Dandy's keyboardist) for being visibly afraid of him while he rollerskates around her proclaiming to be the son of God, just weeks after sending them all shotgun shells with their names enscribed. "If I wanted to kill you Zia, I'd have done it already!"Also has the kind of quotes you'd expect from quite a large bunch of self-important pricks: "I SNEEZE AND HITS COME OUT!" which i've taken to saying in a Downs Syndrome voice in response to pretty much everything.Joins my Films Of The Year list.

Dear Todd Solondz,I have seen every one of your movies (to be fair there aren't many). I was expecting a disturbing film. But you truly succeeded this time. Yes, finally, despite molesting it 3 times in the past, this movie RAPED MY BRAIN.I pretty much knew it was only going to get worse after a scene near the beginning where a truckdriver comes up the ass of a 12 year old girl who's just had a botched abortion. And it did. So you finally did it Solondz, congratulations. You tore out my eyeball, you stuck your dick in the bloody orbit and you scrambled my brain up with your hard intrusive member. Looking forward to your next movie, your biggest fan, Kiki xxx

War Of The Worlds
I watched this movie one afternoon, and it was passably entertaining. Then I watched it again. Big mistake. Never watch this movie more than once. In fact you can live pretty well without seeing it at all. Never has a Speilberg movie been this shit. And I loathe E.T.I would say it's main problems are: Making no sense whatsoever. Having a piss poor ending. And Tim Robbins.It did have a few good moments. River of corpses. Train on fire (which, in retrospect, would have been a million times cooler if it hadn't been a CGI fuckin train on fire.)DUFF.

13 Conversations About One Thing
Alright. Some good bits. Some good acting. But overall mehness triumphed.

The Assasination Of Richard Nixon
Very good but hugely depressing.


Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
Better than Dude, Where's My Car? but then most movies are. Some amusing moments but not Laugh Out Loud funny.

Bad Education
The last of the Almodovar box set Jamie bought me (there's another one coming out this week with Women On The Verge and several others in it--want. And another one in June with Matador etc.)It starts off as an Almodovar movie then gets confused and tries to turn into a noir peice. It looks great but with stuff like this there's no excuse for a text epilogue. In fact, unless it's a true story or a massive ensemble piece there is never an excuse for a text epilogue. (See Unbreakable and others for proof of this.) JUST FILM IT. I WILL ACCEPT A MONTAGE IF YOU'RE THAT DESPERATE.

Sky High
I expected better, but it was ok. Still heart Kitamura heart. Just wasn't very good this time.

The Sea Inside
Again, an ok film. How much can you do with a plot thats simply 'I'm crippled from the neck down and i'm going to kill myself.'?

House Of Wax
Fifth movie from Dark Castle production, the company set up by Rob Zemekis and Joel Silver. It's slightly better than the four that came before it (which were only varying degrees of shit) House On Haunted Hill, Th1rte3n Ghosts, Ghost Ship and Gothika. I think the only reason I kind of liked it were the organic effects. It certainly wasn't Paris Hilton's plastic surgery mistakes, which made me want to hurl.

Hide & Seek
Haha. Crap. The perfect partner for Godsend.

Czech Dream
Great. Great great great. Great great. Might have to go on the Films Of The Year list. One of the last shots where the fake Hypermarket billboards get replaced with ads for Lucky Strike and Mastercard was sheer genius.

Batman Begins
Was great, I thought. Although, as previously discussed, the "batman voice" Bale used was annoying, and seemed totally pointless when he was talking to Liam Neeson. Dude, he knows who you are!

Game Over: Kasparov & The Machine
Alright, but nothing's answered or resolved really.

The Stepford Wives
Not even Walken can save this pile of shit.

Nid de Guepes
The french *remake* of Assault On Precinct 13. Or Rio Bravo. Or whatever. I'm sure it must be aware of that. Ok I guess. Must've been promising enough for Siri's subsequent opportunities to arise.
Look At Me
Very decent French ensemble piece that, according to the original plot, was supposed to be about two novelists, one on the acsention(sp) and one losing his standing in the publishing world; but ends up being quite a heartbreaking story about a fat-by-french-standards girl who tries and fails to get her father to notice her. But as with most ensemble pieces, it's not much to look at, fairly basic direction.

Kitano on form in his take on the old tale. I liked it a lot.

A little dull, and less affecting and effective than promised.

Ping Pong
Hey, it's a two hour Japanese movie about table tennis. So...yeah.

Control Room
Good, yuh. It's nothing you don't know or couldn't predict, but I was left vaguely unsettled by scenes of British soldiers shoving and shouting at bewildered families on their knees. Also quite sad was the scene of the main Al Jazeera dude chain-smoking and talking about moving to America so his kids could be part of the American Dream; while simultaneously looking like he was chewing a mouthful of wasps.

Very well-shot follow up to Sexy Beast for Glazer, with a great score by...I think it's Alexandre DeSplat, who seems to be on a roll cause when watching recent movies and being impressed by the score I inevitably find out he's responsible. All the way through the movie I was thinking "this is great, this film is so underrated." Then at the end felt decidedly Meh about it all. Falls under the subjectively offensive term "Kubrick-lite."

Decidedly silly but entertaining action fare from French Nid de Guepes director who's moved comfortably into Hollywood and Bruce Willis' lap by also staking a claim on Die Hard 4. Good score (DeSplat again probably--I like saying "desplat" teehee) and a strange, intriguingly out-of-place title sequence mesh with an awesomely baked ham turn from Kirsty-favourite Ben Foster, who's come a long way since Get Over It. If you like him as the Russell character in Six Feet Under, you'll probably enjoy his character in Hostage, a pot-smoking psychopathic Goth (duh-when will Hollywood stop churning that out?)And look out for him again in Brett "target practice" Ratner's X-Men 3, playing Angel...I'm guessing not as a weird pot-smoking goth, but who can say?


Ong Bak

The Chorus

The Wedding Date

Wicker Park

Cube Zero
Further convoluting the Cube mythology. Silly but entertaining in a Canadian kind of way.

The 5 Obstructions
Really good, I thought.


Awesome. And silly. Heart Kitamura Heart.

I expected more from a movie that had a bad guy called The Supreme Master Of Absolute Evil. But that probably says more about me than the movie. Points for blood spitting, cheesy winks and bad subtitle translation. Liberties were surely taken with "Hey, knobhead!"

Flight Of The Phoenix
Average "we can do it!" movie, with a riveting and revealing Making Of. From the mad Irish director of that Peacetime classic Behind Enemy Lines comes...Hell Shoot! "Can someone explain to me how the Namibian Desert is colder than fucking Aberdeen?" asks Hugh Laurie. Quite.

I kind of thought it was a masterpiece. But a few people i've talked to have said they thought it was Dogshit. So maybe I was just in the mood to love some Von Trier that night.

Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy
Hampered by bad pacing, editing and too little exposition (first time i've ever said that I think, as I usually loathe exposition) which is a shame, cause there's enough here for many repeated viewings otherwise.

Assault On Precinct 13 (Remake)
Lawrence Fishburne can carry a movie by himself, even a crap one like this. It is worth noting that since The Usual Suspects, Gabriel Bryne has been the kiss of death for most, if not all, projects flying out of Hollywood. Sorry to anyone reading that thought Stigmata, End Of Days, Ghost Ship, The Man In The Iron Mask or Enemy Of The State were the fucking bomb or whatever.

The thing about this trilogy (Gerry, Elephant, Last Days) is that if you hate one, you're probably going to hate them all. Gerry was critically mauled when it came out (quietly) and I think it really all depends on taste. A 2 hour movie about 2 guys walking in the desert and only talking occasionally and briefly about nothing in particular is not going to thrill you out of your chair, but I don't think these movies are any less relevant than 2001 A Space Odyssey. Each shot is very very long, and usually very very beautiful. The shot at the beginning of the car driving alond the road from behind mesmerised me from the start. At one point it began to look as though the car were flying. These movies are the very definition of "Arthouse"...the more you stare, the more you see, the more reality generates new levels and becomes obscured by others. These movies are probably quite rightly defined as "awful shit" by most people, but I can't help it, they intoxicate me.

The Ring Tw0
Well...I was expecting the worst movie ever. It wasn't. No, it wasn't Feardotcom. It was alright. The appearance of Gary Cole for whatever length usually brightens my day. When I was a kid I used to think the main dude from V was Gary Cole. But then, I thought the Eiffel Tower was in Blackpool until I was 19 years old.Uh...where was I? Yuh, Ring Tw0. Nakata kept nothing from Ringu 2, except for his Well Chase set piece, which is re-imagined here, and is far more effective. Also, the corpses are, once again, far more frightening in the Ring remakes, thanks to Rick Baker. But other than that...not a patch on the originals. *shrugs*

Suffers from some of the worst direction I've ever seen in a fairly big budget action movie. Also suffers from something I've now come to call "Pre-citable Music Interludes" (Catchy, huh) which is a deseise(sp) affecting a lot of movies these days. Basically, the director (or whoever) puts their favourite songs they've heard work in other movies in their own movie. So when I heard the strains of Sweet Home Alabama, I joked "what's next, heh, Magic Carpet Ride?" *cue opening feedback of Magic Carpet Ride.* Oh dear. Just a bit predictable really, and not in a way winning enough to make me smile. Just in a way that makes me sigh and press eject. Also of note: Penelope Cruz spends the whole movie running a practice session to perfect her Elvis lip-curl. So at least something was acheived.

The Girl Next Door
Good direction here, but suffers again from PMI's. Would have been a good little re-imagining of Risky Business, if it weren't for the fact that they forgot to give the female lead (Elisha Cuthbert, taking her clothes off a lot but sticking vehemently to her No Nipple clause) a personality, or a real background. Yes, this is a woman that men will move mountains for, destroy their futures, conquer small countries...! But all she really does is look confused and roll out an occasional forced giggle. Really? Is that all it takes? Your firm answer of "yes" is predictable.

The Tao Of Steve
Rubbish indie rom com that is without rom, or com. Shite.

Watchable biopic with a few good laughs and a full frontal by Peter Saarsgard. Its only real problems were its uncanny ability to not make any points at all (probably on purpose, but still stranding it in MOR movie teritory) and being strangled to death with its own score. STEP AWAY FROM THE STRING SECTION. Please.

Shall We Dance (remake)
Alright to watch once if you enjoy being won over by girly gayness. By the numbers and riddled with Richard Gere's trademark 5 rom-com facial expressions: Troubled, happy, bemused, slightly annoyed and blank. There're all the same except for a slight narrowing of the eyes. Stanley Tucci earns a paycheck as a faux-Latino ballroom dancer.

The Interpreter
Sydney Pollack finally learns to stay out of the editing room with this pacy but predictable thriller. As usual, Nicole Kidman plays Nicole Kidman with a wobbly accent and Sean Penn thinks he's making a politcal statement (he isn't.)

Last Resort
Previous Pawal/"Best Actor Of Our Generation" Considine effort viewed after last week's My Summer Of Love makes for fairly gentle and winning gem and features a creepy/amusing turn from famous Brit pornographer Ben Dover as....a Brit pornographer. Laugh out loud scene that should go down as a classic moment in movies comes as a computer monitor spits out requests to Considine as he has his trademark wobbler.

Alien Vs Predator
Wasn't expecting much, and didn't get much. Disturbing continuity, with Paul Anderson including tiny details like the nodding duck from the Nostromos and having morse code spell out "whoever wins we lose" for kicks, yet completely forgetting he'd included that the Predators have x-ray vision and can detect a little Alien inside a body. Also, the whole predator making human friends thing was laughable, and even more laughable in a scene where the predator seems to want to make out with a human chick. "hey baby, do you like tattoos?" Creature effects were good though, seems to be where all the money went.

House Of Flying Daggers
"Eh, just more of the same really." said Jamie, when I asked him how he found it. I'd have to go with that. Although I enjoyed Hero well enough, and it looks good enough I suppose; bad dialogue, and an ending reminiscent of Kung Pow: Enter The Fist resulted in much laughing, then yawning as I urged it to end with my mind. It didn't, and carried on being a bit crap for another 25 minutes or so.

The Sweet Hereafter
Atom Egoyan movie from 97ish, a modern day take on the fable of The Pied Piper, sees Ian Holm's lawyer visit a small snow-deluged town who have seen an entire generation wiped out by a schoolbus accident. As Holm deals with his own issues with his daughter, it becomes clear that broken hearts cannot be mended with money and life goes on yada yada yada. This movie, although slight, was quite good in fact.

Blade Trinity Unless your question is: 'Does this movie join those great second movie sequels like Godfather 3, American Pie The Wedding, Cruel Intentions 3, Ring Zero, Return Of The Jedi and Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3: The Next Generation?' In which case, yes. Lame. Even with hot Reynolds action.

My Summer Of Love
Perfect European lovemaking to British bodies results in a superb little movie about teenage lesbian sex, social divides and mind games, with Paddy 'Best Actor Of Our Generation' Considine turning in another amazing performance as a Former Cunt-turned-Born Again Christian. Not for everybody, but two thumbs up.

Shake Hands With The Devil
Utterly heartbreaking documentary about one Canuck's plight to intercede between warring tribes in Rwanda which resulted in mass genocide. FUCK THE BELGIANS.ManhunterI'd not seen it before. Was superior to the Brett Ratner remake (duh) but aged slightly by bad 80s clothes and music (which I secretly enjoyed-you tell no one)

The Woodsman
Difficult little movie handled with some care by Kevin Bacon (also Executive Producer) as a convicted paedophile attempting to rejoin society. Mos Def stands out in a supporting role as the Officer assigned to monitor him on parole. Kyra Sedgwick obligatorially plays the onscreen fuck puppet, seemingly as a favour for her real life husband, although which way the favour was offered is a matter for debate. (Well, it isn't really. Life's too short for that kind of speculation. But not too short apparently, because I have now seen White Noise three times and I'm pretty sure there might be a fourth somewhere down the line. Man, that movie is bad. I don't know why I keep watching it. Perhaps somewhere in my mind the So Bad It's Good button has been triggered and I am powerless to stop it.)

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
Have had a well documented crush on David Spade for quite some time. But crushes don't make movies funny.

he Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Looks like a Wes Anderson film, but doesn't feel like one. 100 per cent whimsy, 0 per cent humanity. Poor.

Man On Fire
It occurs to me that if Tony Scott didn't do that thing he does (whip pan flash jolt focus in and out whip pan flash jolt) bookending every motherfucking scene, his movies might actually be pretty decent. Denzel, Walken, Rourke. Hard to hate.

Layer Cake
Meh. Pretty much a showreel for Matthew Vaughn's future job interviews. "Look, I *could* make a *real* movie! Someday! Someday soon? Oops, I just accidentally walked out of X-Men 3 and pissed a whole lot of people off. But I still have my integrity! I think..."

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous
It will come as no surprise to you that this movie is terrible. However I have once again proved (to no one in particular) that I really will watch any old shit.


My Best Fiend
Good. Klaus Kinski was quite mad, y'know. But then, Herzog wasn't exactly in his right mind when he hired Mick Jagger to pull a boat over a mountain in Peru, narmsayn.

Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow/The Chronicals Of Riddick
These go together, as they were both really shit and yet enjoyable to watch for the most part. The elements of Push on both; in Sky Captain, fantastic score. In Riddick, snappy editing and a good eye for detail in effects and backdrop.

Coffee & Cigarettes
Like watching your friend's student movie skits for two hours. Except instead of 'my mate Dave' in the centre of the shot, it's Bill Murray or something. The last segment was ok. Best avoided. Unlike other Jarmusch movies, which are good.

Don't get me started! Unless you've seen it. In which case, I'd be happy to debate with you on whether this is a seminal work of art or the ultimate agenda-pushing wank for attention. Sits rather unhappily between the magnificent and hilarious (if you've not seen it, do so, you won't be disappointed) American Movie, and the groundbreaking Capturing The Freidmans. Still, when David Lynch, John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig) and Gus Van Sant come together to promote a movie made for 100 dollars on an iMac, you know you're going to see something interesting. Love it or hate it? Mostly hate it.

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