Star Trek: Emotional Pedantry

What I Loved About It

It’s Just Fun

It is. It has the kind of balls-out sense of fun the Star Wars prequels were grimly lacking and, while it doesn’t have the overall cleanness of Galaxy Quest or Serenity, it’s certainly packing their moxie.

Cast

Everyone’s having a good time and putting in a fabulous ensemble performance. And while Yelchin has the least to work with (I’ve no doubt there’s a deleted scene explaining his baby genius back-story somewhere) and Bana is a very simple villain (he’s just a dude who’s gone a bit sideways after seeing his entire planet annihilated) there’s no one in particular standing out of place. Although at one point, Quinto does go Full Sylar. It’s less ‘Angry Tears Emotional Outburst’ and more ‘I’m Enjoying Hurting You.’ Reign it in, Zach. Also Simon Pegg’s accent, rather predictably, wildly vacillates.

Script

The script does as best as it can while it shoehorns in “first meetings”. It has very funny moments, some great action and everything zips along at a cracking pace, never slowing down enough for you to revel in its flaws. They’ve also done a great job at wiping the slate clean with the “well, we’re in an alternate reality now, none of that other shit from the other movies/series’ is relevant to this or any future plot” storyline. That means there can be genuine peril; they can even kill Kirk off if the mood strikes. Vulcan is completely destroyed, FFS. That’s just a glimpse of how far they can fuck with us in the future.

What I Hated About It

Constant Lens Flare (a.k.a. J.J Abrams’ “Ow, My Retinas”)

Seriously, it’s insane. I read afterwards it was all done organically on set, a bunch of people shining flashlights into mirrors. In the words of Mr Christian Bale: “IT’S FUCKING DISTRACTING!” Also, I feel I may be semi-permanently blinded. Since, Abrams has admitted “I know there are certain shots where even I watch and think, ‘Oh, that's ridiculous. That was too many [lens flares].’” Put simply, it creates a glass wall between you and the film. Which I don’t think is a Good Thing.

Rambaldi’s Endgame

The ‘Red Matter’, which is a big red liquid ball, is a MacGuffin straight out of Abrams’ TV show Alias. I groaned when I saw it. There’s a knowing wink to ‘what has come before’ in a person’s career, and then there’s the Red Matter. We’ve seen Rachel Nichols in her underwear covered in green paint; do we really need Rambaldi’s Engame as well? No. Also, one drop of that shit destroyed a planet. You’re telling me 20 gallons of it wouldn’t probably swallow the entire universe?

Uhura

I have to say, as a chick, this bothered me the most. What, you couldn’t create a strong, intelligent female character without her being the third point in a love triangle between Kirk and Spock? Give me a break. Why couldn’t Sulu be the love interest? Maybe Scotty is into Asians, I don’t know. Surprise me!

Battle Scenes

Because of the glinty-glinty lens flares, fast editing and generally cluttered CGI, it was pretty fucking hard to tell what was going on during the ship battles in space. Is the ship in the black hole? Is it? What just happened? No clue.

Intrusive Music

The score was a little intrusive, especially at the beginning.

Overall

It was a really good Movie, but a dodgy Film. It was good popcorn-y fun and I’m looking forward to the next one.

Hollywood's Unsung Heroes: Justin Theroux Edition

For Why?
On TV and in film, Justin's been busting his ass, only to be relied upon as the go-to bit-part guy. Also, despite being related to The Louis Theroux, he is completely unable to do an English or Irish accent. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, for example. What is that? It sounds like a leprechaun forced into blender with a morose seagull.
Prove It!
Justin knows he's never going to be the lead guy in anything worthwhile. He's not even that good an actor. So last year he moved sidewards and up by co-writing the screenplay for Tropic Thunder.
Hmm, Not Sold. I Can Look Out For Further Proof?
He's only gawn and written the screenplay for Iron Man 2 by gum! BEH-JAYZIS!

Hollywood's Unsung Heroes: Peter Deming Edition

For Why?
Since breaking out in the world of cinematography with Evil Dead II, this guy has worked his ass off to try and make any movie you shove at him look rich as hell.
Prove It!
From House Party to My Cousin Vinny to Mulholland Drive to Joe's fuckin Apartment. There is literally no project too weak-ass or awesome he won't beef up to MAXIMUM WIN POTENTIAL. If that shit flops don't blame this guy, he did all he could.
Hmm, Not Sold. I Can Look Out For Further Proof?

Yeah, there's a little movie called Drag Me To Hell once again reuniting Deming and Raimi that's probably going to blow your balls out through your ass. Maybe even enough to make us forget ALL THREE Spiderman movies. With any luck.

Hollywood's Unsung Heroes: Anton Yelchin Edition

For Why?

The poor bastard has already paid his dues, starring in great-but-cancelled TV show Huff as Hank Azaria's son, and virtually carrying Alpha Dog by himself. He's the next Leonardo DiCaprio. But, y'know, not crap.

Prove It!

Despite blowing his wad a bit on the tonal clusterfuck that was Charlie Bartlett, all he needs is the right break, right? His parents are the infamous russian figure skaters Viktor and Irina Yelchin, which means he is genetically built from the 'WORK NOW, GRUEL LATER' ethic. This kid is in it for the long haul.

Hmm, Not Sold. I Can Look Out For Further Proof?

You wait for one big break and then two come along at once. He's playing two key younger versions of classic movie characters this summer: Chekov in Star Trek and Kyle Reese in Terminator:Salvation. Holy SHIT dude.

Hollywood's Unsung Heroes: Tom Hollander Edition

For Why?
Looking like the bastard son of Tom Hulce and Timothy Hutton, Tom Hollander cuts an underwhelming 5’5 swathe through the Pirates of The Caribbean movies, playing “weasely British guy”...a role he must be somewhat used to. He also played “weasely guy” in lauded HBO mini-series 'John Adams' and Valkyrie. This will inevitably continue for some time, until he gets a lucky break in some Lottery-funded indie flick playing someone disabled, retarded or dying of a flesh-eating bug, which he will inevitably pick up a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for.
Prove It!
He’s actually a really good actor, having forged a decent career despite being earlier rejected from every drama school known to man. Plus, he said this:

"I have a theory that in the US if there's an arsehole in a film doing something stupid they say, 'Make them British, now it makes sense.' If they want a daft idiot nowadays, they just get a British actor in."
Hmm, Not Sold. I Can Look Out For Further Proof?
You can. In The Loop is already out, and The Soloist follows it. Will he be playing “weasely guy”? Probably.

Hollywood's Unsung Heroes: Alexandre Desplat Edition

For Why?

He's the guy responsible for making lame movies almost good by creating a great atmosphere. By 2020, he'll be up there with John Williams, Alan Silvestri, James Newton Howard, Hans Zimmer and Ennio Morricone. As close as a Composer can get to a "household name."

Prove It!

Birth, Hostage, Lust Caution, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well as a billion solid French movies like Nid de guepes (The Nest). They weren't great movies, were they? But there was maybe something about them that drew you in and kept you watching? Yeah, that's a good way to recognize a Desplat score.

Also, his name has the word "splat" in it. Thus, he is already in Epic Win territory by default.

Hmm, Not Sold. I Can Look Out For Further Proof?

You can. Wes Anderson's 'Fantastic Mr Fox' and 'Twilight: New Moon' are on the horizon.

When You Were Having A Career & Making Your Parents Proud In April, I Sat On My Ass & Watched These Movies

Yes Man
Not funny. Off topic, that's my problem with Jody Hill. THE AUDIENCE ISN'T LAUGHING. Thus, it is not comedy.


The Wackness
Quite an accurate portrayal of how lonely it is to be a young drug-dealer with a heart (o, my mis-spent youth). Good Stuff all round.


Doubt
One of those play-on-screen situations where you'd rather have seen it in the theatre than had to deal with some dull direction. Y'know, ok. Pretty much what you think it's going to be.


Dead Snow
It starts off a bit rubbish, but then gets pretty fun. I liked it. More Nazi zombie movies please!


Quantum of Solace
The parts of the movie with no action in tend to flatline completely, and even the action isn't that exciting. The plot seems non-existent. It's all a shame, cause I like Marc Forster as a director. I think he's unfairly lambasted on a regular basis.


The Reader
Easier to swallow than The Hours. Pretty watchable, if not blow-your-mind fantastic.


Hunger
Truly excellent.


The Uninvited
Compared to the original? Crap. Compared to The Unborn? Almost good.


The Children
Terrifying. Children are scary anyway. Let's face it, most of them are Adult Assholes waiting to happen, let alone when they're sneezing homicidal germs all over each other's faces.


I Love You, Man
Better than Role Models, but not as good as Forgetting Sarah Marshall. There it stands, in the ouvre.


How To Lose Friends & Alienate People
Christ. The best thing I can say about it is Kirsten Dunst is less annoying than she usually is.


Sex Drive
Now, I watched the "unrated" edition. This edition begins with a warning from the director that this version is, basically, shit. Well, I don't know what the theatrical version was like, but I can't imagine it was any better than shit.


Inkheart
I've seen worse. Some nice touches and generally ok, for a kiddy movie.


Underworld 3
Much like the second one, I found this third installment to be quite enjoyable, although some of the CGI was proper ropey.


Fast & Furious
Not as good as Tokyo Drift, but mercifully better than the second.


Taken
I really liked it! Fast-paced and a nice guilty Payback-ian Friday night pleasure. Reminded me a bit of Frantic but, yknow, not fucking terrible. A lot of these type of movies have suffered from being way too long, but this has the intelligence not to linger.